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Topical Limericks - Angela Merkel, Chinese Mugger, Bird Man

2/28/2012

Angela Merkel Gets a Beer Bath

Well, this week, in between losing a couple more pounds in the pool and on the pavement, I've been posting limericks on the Yahoo comment walls - and finding a receptive audience, to boot.

The most recent limerick concerned a waiter accidentally pouring five glasses of beer on German Chancellor, Angela Merkel. The lady kept her composure after the initial shock, however, for which I was inspired to write the following lines.

When a waiter let clumsily slip
A tray of five beers from his grip,
The Chancellor said,
Barely turning her head,
"That fellow does not get a tip."

Then there was the story from China of a lady at an ATM machine who was approached by a knife-wielding mugger. When she realised what was happening, she gave him a dressing down until he slunk away with his tail between his legs.

In China a middle aged mum
Struck us users on Yahoo quite dumb.
She rescued her cash
From a youth being rash
By verbally kicking his bum.

Finally, the story of Bird Man, Jeb Corliss, whose stunt leaping from Table Mountain went awry, resulting in two broken legs.

When Bird Man jumped off of a cliff,
With an outcrop he had a slight tiff.
Though he broke both his legs
And soiled his kegs,
He's lucky he isn't a stiff.

Okay, that's it for this week. Maybe something a bit more serious for next week - let's wait and see!

Below are links to my two Global Short Story Competition winners, my short-listed story for the National newspaper, Abu Dhabi, and my Canterbury Tale published by Coscom Entertainment:

http://coscomentertainment.com/?p=159

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesjuly09.pdf

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesdec09.pdf

http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/short-story-a-day-for-decisiveness

Happy writing!

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Losing Weight - Life Gets in the Way of Writing; or Does it?

2/21/2012

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Me Last Year!

I'm down from 113Kg to 93Kg. That's more than 3 stone if you're British, or 44lbs if you're from across the Pond.

How did I do it? Well, during the week I work at a desert location where there's plenty of down time to run and swim - not that I was doing much running when I was 113Kgs. However, with an open buffet three times a day, all the exercise in the world won't help if I'm stuffing my face. So one of the first things I did to regulate my weight was to cut out a meal a day - the 8 o'clock dinner.

It hasn't been plain sailing though. Until recently weekends have been a problem - an excuse to binge and indulge in foods and beverages excluded during the week. Of course that all had to stop once the weight stopped dropping off.

At about 100Kg I started merely reducing my weight during the week and putting it back on at weekends. I seem to have finally got a handle on that now. At weekends I use the machines in the exercise park near my home and run in the local park. I've taken to drinking water before a meal to 'trick' my stomach into thinking I'm filling it with something more substantial - and I'm down to 93Kgs.

The only drawback is that losing weight becomes obsessive, to the detriment of many other activities in life. Suffice to say, my writng has suffered. An hour in the pool, or in the gym, or pounding the pavement is an hour not writing. And do you know how difficult it is to write on an empty stomach?

Not all is doom and gloom, though. I'm down to exercising less than an hour a day, my eating is under control 'almost' all the time, and I'm getting back into the swing of writing. The first PhD paper of my Chaucer project is about to be handed in (my tutors enjoyed The Squire's Second Tale, by the way), and I have a new Tale on the boil.

Just watch this space for further developments - both with my weight loss AND my writing!

Below are links to my two Global Short Story Competition winners, my short-listed story for the National newspaper, Abu Dhabi, and my Canterbury Tale published by Coscom Entertainment:

http://coscomentertainment.com/?p=159

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesjuly09.pdf

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesdec09.pdf

http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/short-story-a-day-for-decisiveness

Happy writing!

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Strange Coincidences in Writing

2/1/2012

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Scene from 'Kimberly Smith and the Pyramid Game'

In 2000 I was living in Sudan, teaching English at a local university. My first child, Kimberly, had just started walking, I was full of new-parent pride, and somewhere along the line I decided to write a children's book. The result was Kimberly Smith and the Pyramid Game, an Alice in Wonderland-esque tale of a young girl transported to 'Riverland', a mythical land based on places I lived in and visited along the River Nile.

So where do the coincidences come in?

Kimberly Smith and the Pyramid Game starts off at London Zoo, in the Reptile House. Two year after I wrote the book, whilst I was living in Saudi Arabia, a friend I visited put Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's (Philosopher's) Stone on the DVD player. Lo and behold, one of the first scenes of the film takes place in the Reptile House of what looks suspiciously like London Zoo.

The strangest coincidence however, is when Kimberly Smith gets to 'Wobbly Stadium', so called because it's made of rubber and loosely based on the old Wembley Stadium which was famous for its Twin Towers. In this chapter of the book, to intimidate the frogs and toads playing a football game, two giants begin kicking the Twin Towers. Ironically, I finished writing up and editing this section of the book on a computer disk in August 2001, less than a month before the other famous Twin Towers were attacked in New York.

Kimberly Smith and the Pyramid Game saw publication at the end of 2002, serialised in the Saudi Gazette's weekly supplement.

The book's sequel, Kimberly Smith and the Arboreal Castle, also written in 2000 but set in 'Treeland', revolved around the building of a dam which threatens the existence of Treeland's animal inhabitants. Alas, since writing the story, this territory has been extensively covered by the film Madagascar 2 and the Open Season movies.

That's enough coincidences for now. If I think of any more, I'll write them up in a sequel blog.

Below are links to my two Global Short Story Competition winners, my short-listed story for the National newspaper, Abu Dhabi, and my Canterbury Tale published by Coscom Entertainment:

http://coscomentertainment.com/?p=159

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesjuly09.pdf

http://www.globalshortstories.net/winningstoriesdec09.pdf

http://www.thenational.ae/arts-culture/short-story-a-day-for-decisiveness

Happy writing!

1 Comment

Topical Limericks - Angela Merkel, Chinese Mugger, Bird Man

Losing Weight - Life Gets in the Way of Writing; or Does it?

Strange Coincidences in Writing

Paul A. Freeman

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